Wanted Sugar

She was focused, diligent and never seemed to raise an eye, not even once. I’d seen her training in the weight room for a while, for more than a few years at least and never once, had she given me the slightest indication that she even knew who I was yet there she was, outside of the gym, at the supermarket staring straight at me.

It was weird, it was as if I didn’t even exist, sure I’d noticed her, pumping iron, taking care of herself, deadlifting, squatting. I didn’t get it though, I would always take a stray look but never once in all of that time did I ever catch her looking back at me, so much so that the thought of saying “hello” had never crossed my mind, yet now that she’d had blatantly looked my way, my mind was full of it, idle fantasies, concocted scenarios, meeting up, staying over, something, anything, she was all I could think about.

I was trying to figure her out. She looked young but she could’ve been a lot older, after all, age did matter. She looked like she could’ve been a mother so she had a daughter, a little’un who didn’t have a father. Could’ve been single but she could’ve been married, I’d never thought to look for a wedding ring. She could’ve been a lot of things and here I was, in my own mind at least, trying to make something more than was even there.

Why’d stuff like that bounce around inside my head, why’d I get my own mind so entangled with possibility, constructing fantasies, building a relationship out of nothing more than that one stray look. Why was my mind wandering about like this, where was my heart really if my mind was wandering about trying to find my heart? Was I subconsciously denying something more than I cared to consciously realize? Was I wanting something more than the nomadic soul who chose to wander the way he did or was this simply all idle thought that’d never become anything more than a mental fling?

Still, it’d been maybe a week.

Two?

And that made me think.

A little at least.

Here I was wondering about my girl but did she ever see me as her guy and wonder about those very same things?

Freedom from within,

The Journeyman.

www.thejourneyman.com